YOU, ALL THIS WHILE..

Wasted fantasies lying on the ground,
Your river clay heart lies at your feet,
Deshaped,
From all the times you have punched it trying to make it beat
From all the times you clutched it hard in a desperate attempt to keep it from falling apart, again.
From all the times it flowed down your chest
Because you tried hardening it,
For you thought your chest was a wall of fire,
But, oh, did you forget about the tears you've kept it choking on all these years?

So you suck the winter into your lungs
Air knots trying to fill the void
As you watch things from this smokescreen of memories that the night forced you to burn.

1. It's a rose gold 2004
You see a girl, angel raw, star flecked,
Heart like a rose petal
With edges starting to turn black
You sit down the nook as she says, "I'll always be alone"
You feel the corners of your mouth moving
Your river clay heart shivering
Sorrow, regret, guilt weave themselves into the tapestry of your being
And you clutch your heart again
"She's always been a fragile being"

2. Its a sepia colored 2010
A girl with fingers dipped in melancholy
Lungs of the scent of all the words she has tried to inhale
She lies down like a cotton pad, ready to absorb all that life has to pour down.
You feel the breath of darkness at the back of your neck
Your river clay heart starts flowing down again
Your world sweeps off like a dandelion seed pod as it whispers,
" She'll soon be mine ".

3. Its a cloud puffed 2017
Your lost soul trying to kiss the ghost of your wounds
Secrets slipping through the cage of your canines
Your calloused fingers trying to trace a path through the stars
To a place
With chrysanthemums, fiery red, like an ember inflamed with hope
Living through all the leap days you haven't had
And memories put down to rest, silently below the dirt and ashes of the ones you have burnt through.
Dreaming, that one day, like Icarus, your flight will be just as high too.